Posted by on Feb 2, 2016 in Uncategorized |

 

All children need to receive the love of adults and especially of their parents. A lot of parents believe they love their children because someone made them believe that parents love their children naturally. But parents also once were children and many of them were not at all or badly received by their parents. In certain cases they experienced refusal, exclusion, negation and destruction from their own parents. Most of them were conditioned in the way that they feel they have to love their parents even more and that they have to satisfy the needs of their parents. In order for parents to be happier, children have to … and have to… and have to…

Quite often parents are unconscious of their openness, receptivity and love. Their unconsciousness forces them to think that others are responsible for their disappointment, that this is caused by the outside: “Others have to satisfy my needs, how can I love them if they don’t give me anything?”

This question is being asked permanentely. The answer is “just receive”. Even receive the absence of someone, the absence of his love and also his negativeness and his failings. Children are often refused, disliked and negated by adults because of their mistakes. But what does “making a mistake” mean to children? Children consider even their mistakes as valuable.

The human brain needs 21 years to ripen and 50 years plus x to achieve its full intellectual potential. The ability to abstract appears some time between the age of 11 and 13. Before that, the child only understands the concrete world, the ability to think in an abstract way is still in preparation. It is not able to understand the meaning of things like quality or failure yet. These are values which only exist for adults and often stem from a moral conditioning system which has been inherited from generation to generation, from culture to culture, from religion to religion…

Parents have the duty to educate, lead and advise their children and to satisfy their needs. They should let them discover their own way, the way that is right for them. This way is not automatically the way that parents think it should be. Above all parents must not devaluate, accuse, refuse, dislike or negate their children.

If a child constantly receives negative information it will shut itself off, protect itself, withdraw into its shell, compensate and break out in various ways. Later, when it is grown up, it will rerun this system and always be in search of the love it has been needing so badly. But at that time it is not capable anymore to receive. Today, adults have to learn to open themselves without fear and to receive, recognize, accept and love their children as they are, without any conditions. Only if parents are able to feel deep down that they love their childen, will the children feel received and loved. And then the relationship between a child and its parents will transform into an unconditional parental and filial love.